Pre-kid I was a bit of a neat-nic, but satisfying that desire has become something of a lost cause post-kid. I carry small purses, they prevent the building up of non-essentials. Too much stuff in the purse means that I inevitably can’t find what I’m looking for under all the junk. I have,er…had, a six items per purse carrying limit. The sacred six included, wallet, keys, work ID badge, cell, lip balm, check book.
But now I find things in the bottom of my purse and sometimes don’t know how they got there or even what they are. If you look in my purse today you will find the six and more.
1. Wallet, cards no longer in the order I left them previously.
2. Cell phone covered sticky smudges. I swear someone loves it so much that he is licking it.
3. Keys. Whew, ’cause up until a moment ago I couldn’t remember that I had left them in my purse and was frantically searching for them.
4. Check book. Strangely the check book is free of smudges and isn’t sticky. James hasn’t figured out what the purpose is yet and it doesn’t spark the imagination as much as the phone and wallet do.
5. Badge. The badge was fun for about a minute, and now gets completely ignored.
6. Lip balm. I recently switched to petroleum free Alba in vanilla flavor. Now I have lips that don’t look like they’ve been through a cheese grater. Yay for me!
7. Empty mint container. Now I’m, up over the six item limit and mints could weigh me down dangerously, but they are a necessity for a certain small person who lately has become very concerned about the quality of his breath. The fresh breath is for all the ladies I presume.
But what in the heck is all this???
8. Used teddy bear sticker, at least that’s what I think it is, and I have no idea why it is in my purse or why it is necessary to keep it. My last attemp to throw it away resulted in a flurry of tears. Maybe I’ll wait until James isn’t looking next time.
9. Four Cheerios
10. Sucker that is so old it is leaking whatever it is that suckers leak, probably hydrolyzed high-fructose corn- syrup.
11. Purple things in a ziplock bag. No I’m not trafficking pop rocks. Those are onion seeds that were offered free of charge at the Children’s museum. James thought that planting them would be Won.Der.Ful. The idea became far less enchanting when I read the fine print on the instructions that the museum helfully included. The purple stuff is toxic fungicide. Protection must be worn when the seeds are planted. Good planning children’s museum, really….
12. What you can’t see under the onion seeds is a rock. I have no idea…
13. Also under the onion seeds is dirt. Yep dirt in my Kate Spade. What is the world coming to.
Maybe I should take a hint from the airlines and start charging a purse overage handling fee?