When a duck sneezes somewhere in deepest, darkest Asia, a total of five people get sick, the news discusses the emergency endlessly, and the CDC declares a pandemic. Really*
James went into the doctor last week with a fever, stuffy nose and cough. He was limp and listless awake and speaking in tounges in his sleep. He was tested for the flu, which is akin to torture. Joy
For those not in the know, a flu test is administered when a long, cotton-tipped, swizzle stick is inserted impossibly far up the nose and held there for the slowest 10 count ever. The swab small, but it burns like a lit match. James was brave but cried quietly in my arms while we waited for the test to process. Great
The doctor came back to deliver the news, and perk James up with a dinosaur sticker. He shook his head sympathetically said the test was only 35% to 50% reliable (what? why did we do this then?) but James probably didn’t have the flu. He was however likely break out in a rash, and I could expect the feel the same way in a few days. Like dominoes we fell; Tim first, then me. Yay- a gift to celebrate the arrival of Spring tra la la.
I considered sharing my misery and posting a sick mom picture: pasty-faced, hair messy, eyes shiny from fever, glaring over the top of a blanket. These pictures are on blogs everywhere right now. I was willing to post a picture of me looking like a festering sore, but I didn’t have the energy to retouch my gray hair, so it wasn’t worth the effort. The concept was far from unique anyway. Gahhhhh
97% of the people who I know are currently sick and/or coping with a sick family member. And this is the second time in four months that some unidentified and completely out-of-control nastiness has made the rounds. Last time, whatever it was had a sore throat start and a pneumonia finish. But it isn’t the flu so it doesn’t raise any red flags, doesn’t get reported in the news. No? Why the hell not?
Has the CDC sent out mass warnings? No, nopity no. If I, and everyone I know, is going to get this sick every four months, the year is going to be fan-effing-tabulous. Doesn’t that count as an epidemic of some sort? Come on CDC, seriously!
*italics indicate irritation and/or sarcasm.