Spring Can Suck It

19 Apr

When a duck sneezes somewhere in deepest, darkest Asia, a total of five people get sick, the news discusses the emergency endlessly, and the CDC declares a pandemic.  Really*

James went into the doctor last week with a fever, stuffy nose and cough.  He was limp and listless awake and speaking in tounges in his sleep.  He was tested for the flu, which is akin to torture.  Joy  

For those not in the know, a flu test is administered when a long, cotton-tipped, swizzle stick is inserted impossibly far up the nose and held there for the slowest 10 count ever.  The swab small, but it burns like a lit match. James was brave but cried quietly in my arms while we waited for the test to process. Great  

The doctor came back to deliver the news, and perk James up with a dinosaur sticker.  He shook his head sympathetically said the test was only 35% to 50% reliable (what? why did we do this then?) but James probably didn’t have the flu. He was however likely break out in a rash, and I could expect the feel the same way in a few days.  Like dominoes we fell; Tim first, then me.  Yay- a gift to celebrate the arrival of Spring tra la la. 

I considered sharing my misery and posting a sick mom picture:  pasty-faced, hair messy, eyes shiny from fever, glaring over the top of a blanket.  These pictures are on blogs everywhere right now.  I was willing to post a picture of me looking like a festering sore, but I didn’t have the energy to retouch my gray hair, so it wasn’t worth the effort.  The concept was far from unique anyway. Gahhhhh 

97% of the people who I know are currently sick and/or coping with a sick family member. And this is the second time in four months that some unidentified and completely out-of-control nastiness has made the rounds.  Last time, whatever it was had a sore throat start and a pneumonia finish.  But it isn’t the flu so it doesn’t raise any red flags, doesn’t get reported in the news. No?  Why the hell not?   

Has the CDC sent out mass warnings?  No, nopity no.  If I, and everyone I know, is going to get this sick every four months, the year is going to be fan-effing-tabulous.  Doesn’t that count as an epidemic of some sort?  Come on CDC, seriously!

*italics indicate irritation and/or sarcasm. 


Posted by on April 19, 2011 in Uncategorized


3 responses to “Spring Can Suck It

  1. Gregg

    April 20, 2011 at 12:09 pm

    Sucks is right! We will send healing vibes big time.

    I have a BIG beef with spending great gobs of money on medical tests with such low reliability that they are virtually useless. It’s all driven by the litigious medical system, especially in the US.

    We are healthy, but if it makes you feel any better, we’re up to our eyeballs in election crapola up here, so we all feel pretty nauseous.


  2. Lizgizzy

    April 20, 2011 at 1:14 pm

    Gregg- I know! I thougth if they are giving us a test, it must be effective, otherwise they wouldn’t do it right? 50% reliability is silly. We didn’t need to go to the doctor for that.


    • Gregg

      April 22, 2011 at 6:56 am

      When I had mono and was literally heading to death’s door, they didn’t treat me for mono until the third test finally came back positive. Then they told me, “The mono spot is actually the least accurate medical test we use.” Pfft!



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