I like to write, have kept a journal for years, but have never ever thought I’d try blogging. This is my first entry and I’m actually feeling a little overwhelmed. I’ve seen some of the amazing bloggs out there (Rachel Beto, man is she good) and wonder what I could possibly have to contribute. But I’m also an introvert who wants to be more social, be less afraid of failure….yadda yadda….so here it goes.
I work full time, am a wife, and mother. Between work, housework, and chasing my almost three year old around, I stay pretty busy. I would love to be one of those moms that has her house in perfect order, is raising a genious, manages to keep her husband happy, and is excelling at her career, all while looking fabulous, while managing to keep a sense of humor….and write well. I’m so not one of those people.
I have a career and put in 8-10 hour days. When I get home after a long day, I have to balance spending quality time with both my son and husband, so naturally a few things fall by the wayside. I’m learning to live with this as the new norm, though I still have some guilt. The dishes in the sink don’t develop too much fuzz, before they get piled in to the dishwasher. I wash laundry regularly, but hate to put it away, opting to store it in the laundry basket instead. We live in the country and have decided to let the yard look more ‘natural’, the manicured look just doesn’t go with the woodsy setting. My son may or may not be a genious, but he is showing signs of brilliance, and stacking blocks and pretending to be a horse will help his development more than watching me scrub the tub. He also seems to want to hang out with me, he’s three, so I’ve got to take advantage while it lasts. My husband, well, I’m relying on him to let me know if he isn’t being fulfilled….baby I love you.
What I can’t seem to reconcile myself with is aging, which I know…isn’t unusual. All in all, I was feeling pretty good about aging and was discussing this with a friend at work one day. I told her that despite the fact that I was starting to get gray hair, had the start of crows feet, and still had acne, it was all good for being almost 39. Then I realized, that no…I’m not almost 39, I’m almost 40. Not only, can I not remember my own age, but I’m no longer capable of loosing 5 pounds by breathing, like I could when I was 18. So to prove…something…to someone…me maybe, I’ve signed up to walk in the Susan G. Komen Walk for the Cure in September which for anyone that doesn’t know is a 60 mile walk over the course of 3 days.
Truthfully, I had another reason for signing up. I made this commitment, because my mother passed away in October of 2007 after a long battle with breast cancer. I loved Mom dearly, and was missing her very badly one day, I felt physically weighed down by the emotions. I was at physical therapy, and next to me a young woman was talking about her experience in the 3-Day, that it was an amazing, very uplifting etc. Then, one of my friends sent me a note saying that she had signed up. At that moment, I decided that fate must be telling me something, and that walking 60 miles over three days would help with the grief. A very small part of me was also thinking that training for the 3-Day would help me shed a few pounds in the process. Now I’m in the midst of fund-raising (not easy for an introvert) and training. I recently walked 15 miles, and somewhere along the way decided that senile dementia had clearly set in, othwise I would not be doing this to myself. Not only that, but I’m not loosing any weight….I’m gaining it instead.
So tonight, I go home, walk on the treadmill and try to sqeeze some quality time in with the boys.